Thursday, September 30, 2010

No longer "Running" towards perfection...

Unfortunately, I found out a few days ago that I had hypothyroidism, which is an under active thyroid which leads to a slow metabolism. The last few months I have been trying endlessly to lose my extra 15 pounds, but have barely even made any progress. Not seeing any movement on the scale and to not understand why, led to constant frustration, which led to binging. I have to admit, yesterday, I had another one of my "overeating days." I feel hopeless about the whole situation, as right now my self-esteem is at its all time lowest, since I am at my heaviest, and just plain uncomfortable.

Binging and feeling guilty about what I eat has always been a problem for me. In fact, this is part of the reason that I  am at my heaviest weight ever at this moment. I used do think eating over 1700 calories was a failure. I was too hard on myself. I counted every calorie. I would binge. I'd get frustrated. It was all a cycle. If I didn't work out every day I wasted the day, so why not eat? Might as well start tomorrow.

Yesterday I felt so hopeless that I would ever be able to lose the weight, especially with this not in my control. I guess I just felt bad for myself. I thought "oh well, I guess I'll just have to stay this weight." But, I know this is not the right mindset. This is just going to make it worse. I'm slowly learning that there is no such thing as perfection. My goal is to focus on quality of the foods I eat, since counting calories and worrying about every single thing caused me to put the weight on in the first place, and possibly why my thyroid gave out (over-exercise has been known to cause it).

Working with my body, is something that I need to do rather than against it.

Have you ever had thyroid issues?
Do you ever get down on yourself about overeating?
How do you practice balance in your eating?


  1. i feel you! i have definitely had those days where i'd stuck in the binge cycle. but it can change. celebrate every little victory and listen to YOUR body. and email me if you ever need to. sometimes i think the best thing is the ear of someone who knows what you are going thru.

  2. Who doesn't get down on them self when over eating? Aww I feel so bad! My best friend has a similar issue with her thyroid. This girl can not go a day without running 7 miles for the past 6 years. Well that does not keep her trim anymore! She was devastated! She is on some diet plan right now I can find out more info for you if you want. I know meat is not involved though :(

    Keep your head up girl, you are so beautiful!

  3. Awww Lisa don't feel dicouraged and don't let hypothyroidism beat you! You are doing great and put in so much hard work!

  4. Ever never had thyroid issues but I know a girl who does and it sucks. You can beat this thing though! I know it. Keep your chin up. <3

    I ALWAYS get down on myself when I overeat. Always. That's what helped lead to me developing bulimia. The thing is, it's all about HOW you handle it even when it's getting you down and that criticizing voice appears. I went to my first appointment with a psychologist a little while ago and one of my homework assignments was to track my food but in great detail. I need to track: when I eat, how hungry I am before I eat (1-10), what I eat/drink, where I eat it, if it's a binge, how full I am after I eat, if I purge it, and my thoughts/feelings about the food. I just started 2 days ago and I wish I had started earlier because it has already helped me SO much. It's forcing me to really tune into my body. You should give it a try. If you want the actual sheet I fill out I can email it to you. :)

  5. this is awesome girl! :) i'm so proud of your new balanced approach...take it from me it is so freeing! :)

  6. I think we've all been there before when we binge eat and feel guilty about it. Still happens to me too. Don't be so hard on yourself!

    Have you tried doing yoga? I hear shoulder stands and the plow pose can activate your thyroid and speed up your metabolism.

  7. You're awesome, so don't let anything discourage you!! I honestly think the key is just enjoying food! I used to count calories and decided to stop and just appreciate food. Obviously I try and eat healthy...but ice-cream IS needed once in a while!! It's so stressful to count everything you eat; just make it good =)

  8. I had hypothyroidism for about 2 years during college. It was very mild and I took a small dose of Synthroid during that time but then it normalized and my doctor said it could have been caused by a slight infection. Now I just try to eat healthy and balanced. At each meal I try to think of my previous meal or two and determine what food group has been lacking and then try to incorporate that into my next meal. Don't get too discouraged, tomorrow is a new day! :)

  9. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism 2 years ago. February of this year, I found out it was actually a symptom of celiac disease. Since cutting out gluten, the hypothroidism has gone away, and the extra weight is slowly coming off on its own. I don't know if yours is also related to celiac disease, but it might be something to look into.

  10. girly, i completely understand what you are going through. I have had the same thoughts you have. I am now in recovery from an Exercise Eating Disorder. I have come so far and so proud of myself.
    I am here for you, and you can contact me about anything!
    I love your honestly and its important that you are honest with yourself as well!

    We are not made to be perfect! No one is perfect! You are beautiful!

  11. I just got tested for possible thyroid issues, and I'm hoping the tests come back negative!!

  12. Hi Lisa- I just found your blog through the comment you left on mine! I can't wait to read more! I thought I'd leave a comment on this post because I also have hypothrroidism. I was diagnosed in middle school and have been taking Synthroid ever since. I know it's probably hard to wrap your head around right now, but eventually it just becomes something you deal with. I rarely think about it anymore, except to remember to take my medication everyday.

    I have struggled with feeling guilty about eating for the past year now, but I've found that since I've incorporated (at least some) exercise into my life everyday, the feeling has started to go away. Blogging also helps! My philosophy is to eat as healthy as possible in a realistic way, and I'm starting to enjoy having fun with food without the guilt :)

  13. Hey girl,

    I also have had thyroid issues (not sure of the exact reason for my low thyroid levels though). But I think a lot of people use their thyroid as a scapegoat for their weight gain. (If anyone feels that I am wrong, I apologize as I know thyroid issues can be mentally agonizing if you're trying to lose some weight. I am just speaking from experience). But honestly, if you get medication, your thyroid levels should return to normal. Many people assume that because of their thyroid, they are stuck at that weight.

    Going UNTREATED can lead to weight gain if your caloric intake remains the same as your metabolism does slow down. However,just because we gain some weight, doesn't mean we should eat more, give up and give in to food, and feel that things are not in our control. Because in a way, things ARE in our control. Overeating
    makes life a whole lot worse.

    Eat moderately, exercise moderately, and the weight will slowly come off. Be patient and you'll be happy you were! =D Just got to fight hard against the overeating! That's what truly sets you back both mentally and physically.

    I find that the less I concentrate on exercising/eating/losing weight, the less thought I put into setting a date for when I should reach a certain weight, the lower the numbers on the scale go. And the less I overeat. If you're not thinking about these topics all the time, I'm sure your urge to eat will decrease. It's a slow process, but things aren't always easy.

    Hypothyroidism does not fully control our weight. Or the way we feel about our bodies. But WE do.

    I think your last sentence is wonderful:
    "Working with my body, is something that I need to do rather than against it."